There are a lot of people in this world. Some might argue too many.
While I am certainly NOT suggesting that radical population control is something we should consider, I AM suggesting that maybe we have enough of certain types of people. Maybe not even types, just particular traits, habits and personality quirks…
People who hold conversations in the middle of busy pavements
If there’s one entry on this list we can agree on, it’s this, right? How has society come so far without some kind protocol for this situation?
Well, we haven’t and the best we can do is mutter something to express our frustration or make a point of brushing them with a shoulder as we struggle past this roadblock constructed of self-obsessed moron.
The world doesn’t need any more of these people, thanks.
People who are taken by surprise when they have to pay in shops
Mentioned this in a previous post about shopping. It still irritates.
People whose career goal is ‘be famous’
I’m just not sure there’s enough ‘off’ left in the world that this lot can fuck… That makes me sad in my heart.
People who try to force their opinions on you
I consider myself a fairly liberal-minded person; the idea of people of the same sex marrying doesn’t fill me with inexplicable and highly questionable rage, I don’t think that immigration is anything near as big a problem as it is made out to be and the fact that companies appeal to xenophobes by talking up their British-based call centres in their advertising makes me die a little inside.
You may not agree. Fine. I won’t try to convince you otherwise. Know why? It’s because I understand that preaching at someone who is not interested is a waste of time and energy. The only opinion you change is their opinion of you. Guess what, professor? That freshly formed opinion won’t be more positive…!
Can’t handle the fact that people hold different opinions? Don’t bring up divisive subjects. Easy.
We can lump in conspiracy theorists who talk down to anyone who disagrees as well, actually. We have enough of you too.
People who label cuntish behaviour as ‘banter’ and pricks as ‘lads’
See also: anyone who labels themselves a ‘casual’ or ‘geezer’. We’re on to you, fellas; you’re not funny, you’re odious.
And while we’re here- who told you that doing up the top button on a polo shirt looks good? (Did you ever consider they were taking the piss?)
People who vocalise web acronyms
Ever responded to something funny by saying ‘lol’ rather than- you know- laughing… out loud? Maybe you drop an ‘omg’ when shocked or surprised… If you are not a thirteen year-old girl, we have enough of you, thanks.
People who think St George’s Day should be a national holiday
Oh, if only they could come up with a valid reason for it, then the rest of us could stop rolling our eyes whenever the subject comes up… (Having a tantrum and noting that people seem to enjoy St Patrick’s Day isn’t an reasoned argument, I’m afraid.)
Until that happens, or hell freezes over, they will continue to battle for the cause by sharing angry memes on Facebook and believing The Sun and Daily Mail when they make up stories about pubs banning folks from entering if they wield flags or wear England football shirts.
And that’s why we have enough of this lot. Please do not make any more. Ta.
People who say “This would be a great place to work if it wasn’t for [insert sole reason job exists]!”
People who wear sunglasses inside or at night
The quickest way to spot the biggest wanker at any event- of course it’s the bloke at the bar wearing shades at 10pm.
So maybe they’re doing us a service by providing a simple yet effective way of identifying them…? I take it back, cocks who wear sunglasses indoors, keep being you.
People who take photos with a tablet device
After the revolution, it will be your civic duty to slap the iPad (other devices are available) from the hands of anyone who takes a photo with one in a public place. There will be fines for those who do not comply.
TOM HAS SPOKEN.