Maybe it’s because advertisers and retailers have been ramming it down our throats for the last two months, or maybe it’s because I can’t think of anything else to write about… Anyway, it’s high time I did a post or two about Christmas.
Everyone loves Christmas, right? I mean, what’s not to love when…
Your classy neighbours brighten up the street
By plastering their home with enough flashing fairy lights and gaudy decorations to give hippies LSD flashbacks and set off even the mildest photosensitive epilepsy sufferer. In mid-November. If you’re really lucky, they’ll just unplug them after New Year’s, allowing the whole street and everyone who visits to see what a cultured household they are, all year round.
People get you presents
Which is totally what Christmas is all about. One hundred percent. Right? Apart from when someone asks you what you would like- you tell them- they tell you what they would like- you buy it- then when the gift exchange takes place, you give them their awesome present that they actually wanted and you get given something shit that you didn’t ask for. Then you have to pretend you’re pleased with it too. Those times suck balls.
You get to eat loads of crap and not feel bad about it
The only exception is those unfortunate enough to have a nutritionist, former fat person or freak who knows the calorie content of every food item in the world in the family. As they push about their meagre selection of vegetables they will make snide comments about how many bacon-wrapped sausages you’ve devoured or the amount of cranberry sauce you’re shovelling onto your plate, making sure every mouthful is as bitter as they are.
You get to drink lots of booze and not feel bad about it
Unless you’re an awful drunk that no one wants to be around or it’s your incessant alcohol abuse that is the reason the rest of the family didn’t invite you or are jetting off somewhere hot for the holiday period.
In which case… Feel bad about it, you’re probably a terrible person.
Remember; it’s just one day… It’s just one day.
Next up: Reasons why Christmas is rubbish