Air Travel: Who will you be flying with?

Airports by Tom NashFuck terrorists, making me check in two hours before my flight… And what self respecting terrorist is going to bomb a flight from Gatwick to Newquay anyway? And if the masses react to the actions of a few, doesn’t that mean they’re winning?

Think I’m talking shit? Look up a definition of terrorism- and not on Wikipedia, you retard.

Anyways… It’s holiday season, yay! Jetting off somewhere? Look out for:

The jobsworth
Could be the check in girl insisting you remove half a kilo from your suitcase but it is far more likely to be the failed police applicant by the metal detector who spazzes out because you forgot you were wearing a belt. Combine them with the fear-mongering of right-wing politics and news media and what do you have?

What was once one of the most memorable events of a person’s life, on one of the most amazing achievements in the history of mankind turned into a ‘criminal for a day’ experience. Thank you, terminal staff.

The smug
Those fuckers in business class or those people that stroll past everyone else at the gate, pull out their ‘speedy boarding’ pass and stroll triumphantly onto the plane. You walk past the business class arseholes, who are trying out the gadgets built into their seats or seeing just how flat their seats can get before they become aware of someone else being nearby, before you reach your seat in the section of the cabin that smells of sick and illness. Then you discover that you have the pleasure of sitting next to or behind…

The person with a fucking baby
There is no way on earth that you can get 100+ people to hate you quicker than arriving at a departure gate with a selection of small children. With luck, they’ll scream and cry and moan and kick and generally make the journey delightful for everyone who has paid hundreds of pounds for a ‘relaxing’ holiday. And anyway- how relaxing a time can you have with a three month-old in tow anyway?

The lads
Admittedly, if you’re flying to ‘the stag weekend capital of Europe’ and you’re surprised to find this lot on your flight, you deserve everything you get. As long as you enjoy needless profanity, passive aggression, dick jokes, homophobic homoeroticism and all the above served drunk and AT HIGH VOLUME, you’ll be fine. Honestly, three hours is no time at all…

It’ll fly by. (See what I did there?)

One thought on “Air Travel: Who will you be flying with?

  1. Anonymous

    I finally sussed it out on my phone! Im now gonna try and read missed past blogs If they are all like this, well done Tom,
    Katie (slimkat2) x

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