Facebook: Even more familiar behaviour

Facebook by Tom NashI love my Facebook news feed. A simple scroll down the page a couple of times a day can provide endless material for blog posts and stories. It is amazing what personal information people are willing to provide borderline strangers.

Today’s feed was particularly inspiring, so here are a few more habits at least one person on your friend list has:

The threat-maker
‘I’m closing my account today/on [day/date], if you want to stay in touch then message me your phone number or email address.’


This person takes attention-seeking to the extreme. Obviously, they never close their account. What probably happens is that instead of the deluge of messages they expect to hit their inbox (heh), nobody sends them anything (makes sense- everyone who gives a fuck probably has their number already) and they just hope that no-one notices that they are full of shit. We have.

The loser
[Whoever] is playing [generic flash game]. Click here to join the fun.
translation:
[Whoever] is unemployed or has a REALLY depressing life.

The far too open (or The TMI to ‘da kidz’)
This is almost always someone you went to school with. Arguably, they are a melodramatic Ronseal updater. You haven’t actually spoken to this person in 5-10 years (commenting on statuses doesn’t count) but you know:

  • where they live
  • where they work
  • when & where they go on holiday
  • where they go on nights out
  • what they buy at the supermarket
  • what they eat most days
  • who they still see from ‘back in the day’
  • how bad their taste in music (still) is
  • if they have trouble sleeping
  • what days they have access to their kid(s)
  • how much of a dick their baby daddy/mamma is

It is hard to judge whether they are deluded enough to believe that anyone really cares or the updates are simply an indiction of just how lonely they are… Either way, it’s painful to read. Thank fuck for that ‘hide’ function, eh? Eh??

The subliminal
‘Someone’ might be a little pissed off with ‘some people’ who might possibly ‘need to sort themselves out’. However, rather than tell ‘them’ directly, ‘this person’ will tell you and everyone else on their friend list… It can be quite fun working out who they’re on about though (hint: it tends to be the mother or father of their child).

The oblivious
This is the person that writes obviously double-entrendre packed status updates or comments but fails to realise it. Quite often it’ll be something as simple as ‘fucking traffic’ that they write or they’ll label a photo album ‘My pussy’ and stock it with pictures of a cat. However they do it, the potential for misunderstandings/comedy is endless.

More posts in this category:

Facebook: Status updaters we all know
Facebook: More familiar behaviour
Facebook: Obligation friends
Facebook: Schoolmates on your friend list

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