More of the usual suspects that lurk on campus:
This lot often come from deeply religious backgrounds or are the children of clergyman.
During Fresher’s Week they will discover the delights of sex, drink, drugs and partying. For the rest of their degree they will attempt to:
a) shag their way through as much of the student population as possible.
b) snort or smoke (or snort and smoke) their way through every substance they can get hold of.
c) party to the point of hospitalisation.
d) all of the above.
Throughout your degree, mentioning this person’s name will receive a chorus of ‘How have they not been kicked off the course yet?!’
Whether they are obviously out of their depth, they never attend or they’re just shit, this person will somehow manage to pass everything and leave with just as good a degree as you.(If you just read that and are now thinking ‘I don’t know anyone like that‘… It’s you.)
The failed Oxbridge applicant
Let’s get this clear- this university is not their first choice. Far from it in fact.
Just nod and agree that they are ‘better than this place’. With luck they will soon prove themselves to also be:
The massively insecure
When you first meet they are confident, composed and self-assured. During the next three years, the mask will slip and they will reveal that they are in fact a whole heap of crazy. (Alcohol is brilliant at fast-tracking this process.)
You can spot these folks by their ever-changing social groups- they tend to move on when one learns just how batshit insane they really are.
They have come to university to find themselves. Who they will find tends to be ‘a dickhead’. Perhaps they were a wannabe rudeboy when they arrived, then they tried being a hippy. Now they rock super tight jeans, plimsolls, charity shop jumpers and oversized glasses.
I wonder what it’ll be next term?