Education: Bachelor’s Degree mainstays (Part One)

Students by Tom NashIt doesn’t matter which university you attend (at the moment anyway- it could all change once the fees increase), you will ALWAYS meet at least one person that falls into the following groups:

The cultured ones
It could be that they quote Nietzsche at every opportunity. Maybe they boast about not owning a television. Or perhaps it’s their continual insistence that they are deep and spiritual because they’ve been travelling. It could even be the way they believe that lectures and seminars are actually just a conversation between them and the lecturer…

However they do it, just know that they are better than you. That’s all they really want you to know anyway.

The parish elders
These are the extra mature students in the class. It is easy to mistake them for the lecturer when they walk in on the first day, such is the air of experience and sage wisdom that surrounds them.

And boy are they willing to share that wisdom…

The hippies
Got greasy long hair? A poncho or fucking-great wooly jumper? Flip-flops on, even in the dead of winter or boots on, even at the height of summer? Questionable personal hygiene? Strong opinions on the treatment of fluffy things? Woefully misguided opinion of your own level of skill on a guitar?

Yes, my friend; you are a hippy! Too bad you’re forty years too late eh?

The ghost
When this person’s name is read out at graduation, everyone thinks ‘Who?’

The overly keen
They join as many clubs, committees and associations as they can and treat every social situation as a networking opportunity. Basically, to this lot university is an extra long episode of ‘The Apprentice’. Avoid if at all possible.

The wannabe ‘rudeboy’
This kid looks like he’s just walked off the set of Kidulthood. The only thing is, his name’s probably Tom (yeah, shut up) and he comes from a lovely little village in Cambridgeshire.

He’ll probably try selling drugs at some point to try to boost his credibility. It won’t.